http://netec.mcc.ac.uk/JokEc.html
Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing.
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Humor is evolving, now we have a refinement:
"Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying the opposite thing" is true, but is not strong enough. Better:
"Economics is the only field in which two people can share a Nobel Prize for saying opposing things." Specifically, Myrdal and Hayek shared one.
Roberto Alazar
(A rumor has it that there was a similar case in neuroscience, Golgi and Cajal, maybe economists are not so different!)
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Heard at the Wharton School.
Man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it's a big flock so he takes the bet. "973," says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away.
"Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." Man says sure. "You are an economist for a government think tank," says the shepherd. "Amazing!" responds the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"
"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."
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A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
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TOP 10 REASONS TO STUDY ECONOMICS
1. Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands."
2. Economists can supply it on demand.
3. You can talk about money without every having to make any.
4. You get to say "trickle down" with a straight face.
5. Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out.
6. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.
7. If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".
8. Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.
9. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.
10. When you call 1-900-LUV-ECON and get Kandi Keynes, you will have something to talk about.
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ECONOMISTS do it at bliss point
ECONOMISTS do it cyclically
ECONOMISTS do it in an Edgeworth Box
ECONOMISTS do it on demand
ECONOMISTS do it risk-free (in reference to the risk-free interest rate)
ECONOMISTS do it with a dual
ECONOMISTS do it with an atomistic competitor
ECONOMISTS do it with crystal balls
ECONOMISTS do it with interest
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"Economists do it with models"
Heard at the LSE.
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Econometricians do it if they can identify it.
Applied econometricians do it even if they can't.
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Economists do it with Slutsky matrices.
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Economists do it discretely AND continuously.
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Economists do it on Leontief's table.
Heard at the Bocconi university in Milan.
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"Econometricians do it with dummies"?
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Morry Adelman at MIT claims that he heard this at Shell long ago:
"A planner is a gentle man,
with neither sword nor pistol.
He walks along most daintily,
because his balls are crystal."
Mike Lynch, MIT
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An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
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Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.
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Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."
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A true story:
"I heard this from one of my professors. To protect him, no names will be revealed. This professor was about to get married. He went to the jewelers to get a wedding ring for his fiancee. The jeweler told him that he can have the inside of the ring engraved with the name of his fiancee for an additional $20 (remember, this was a LONG time ago). He said, "But that will reduce the resale value!" The jeweler was aghast. He said, "How can you say such a thing. You are a butcher!" "No," replied the professor, "I am an economist"."
told by Tapen Sinha, PhD
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An economic forecaster was known to have an horseshoe prominently displayed above the door frame of his office. Asked what it was for, he replied that it was a good luck charm that helped his forecasts. But do you believe in that superstition? he was asked, and he said, "Of course not!" But then why do you keep it? "Well," he said, "it works whether you believe in it or not."
The story is actually told about a non-economist, Danish Nobel prize winner Niels Bohr.
Since the publication of the joke I've been told that Bohr actually said that *he had been told* that it works whether...
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Economics has gotten so rigorous we've all got rigor mortis.
Presumably said by Kenneth Boulding
A possible correction by Mike: Kenneth Boulding said, "Mathematics brought rigor to Economics. Unfortunately, it also brought mortis."
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Economist related joke: Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.
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There is one joke opportunity in Robert Kuttner, The Poverty of Economics, The Atlantic Monthly, Feb 1985, p. 79, which says: "George Stigler Nobel laureate and a leader of Chicago School was asked why there were no Nobel Prizes awarded in the other social sciences, sociology, psychology, history, etc. "Don't worry", Stigler said, "they have already have a Nobel Prize in ...Literature"
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An economist was standing at the shore of a large lake, surf-casting. It was the middle of winter, and the lake was completely frozen over, but this didn't seem to bother the economist, who stood there patiently casting his lure out across the ice, slowly reeling it in again, then repeating the process.
A mathematical economist came sailing by on an ice boat, and pulled to the shore beside the surf-fishing economist to scoff. "You'll never catch any fish that way," said the mathematical economist. "Jump on my ice-boat and we'll go trawling."
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Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
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A mathematician, a theoretical economist and an econometrician are asked to find a black cat (who doesn't really exist) in a closed room with the lights off:
- The mathematician gets crazy trying to find a black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room and ends up in a psychiatric hospital.
- The theoretical economist is unable to catch the black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room, but exits the room proudly proclaiming that he can construct a model to describe all his movements with extreme accuracy.
- The econometrician walks securely into the darkened room, spend one hour looking for the black cat that doesn't exits and shouts from inside the room that he has it catched by the neck."
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True story. I'm riding up the elevator at the Boston ASSA meetings a few years back. In the car with me is a woman who works in the hotel. I ask her if economists are really as dull a bunch as they're made out to be. She responds that she used to be stationed at the NYC branch of the chain when the meetings were held there and that even the hookers had taken the week off.
Carlos Bonilla
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Practice economy at any cost.
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from "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams, Chapter 16.
Arthur awoke to the sound of argument and went to the bridge. Ford was waving his arms about. "You're crazy Zaphod," he was saying, "Magrathea is a myth a fairy story, it's what parents tell their kids about at night if they want them to grow up to be economists, it's..."
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from the preface to Paul Krugman's book, "Peddling Prosperity: Economic Sense and Nonsense in the Age of Diminished Expectations" (1994, page xi): An Indian-born economist once explained his personal theory of reincarnation to his graduate economics class. "If you are a good economist, a virtuous economist," he said, "you are reborn as a physicist. But if you are an evil, wicked economist, you are reborn as a sociologist."
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When two economists are out for a stroll together, how do you identify the UofC economist? He's the one walking randomly.
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Heard at the workshop of evolutionary economists at IIASA:
Q: How has French revolution affected world economic growth?
A: Too early to say.
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True story: I was standing with Ken Arrow by a bank of elevators on the ground floor of William James Hall at Harvard. Three elevators passed us on our way to the basement. I foolishly said "I wonder why everybody in the basement wants to go upstairs." He responded, almost instantly: "You're confusing supply with demand."
Curt Monash
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Economist poem
If you do some acrobatics
with a little mathematics
it will take you far along.
If your idea's not defensible
don't make it comprehensible
or folks will find you out,
and your work will draw attention
if you only fail to mention
what the whole thing is about.
Your must talk of GNP
and of elasticity
of rates of substitution
and undeterminate solution
and oligonopopsony.
Kenneth E. BOULDING
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Q. What do economists and computers have in common ??
A. You need to punch information into both of them.
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Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea ??
A. If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.
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Two economists were walking down the street when they noticed two women yelling across the street at each other from their apartment windows.
Of course they will never come to agreement, stated the first economist.
And why is that, inquired his companion,
Why, of course, because they are arguing from different premises.
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Here's couple of more general jokes.
A civil engineer, a chemist and an economist are traveling in the countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country inn. "I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn," the innkeeper says. The civil engineer volunteers to sleep in the barn, goes outside, and the others go to bed. In a short time they're awakened by a knock. It's the engineer, who says, "There's a cow in that barn. I'm a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal." The chemist says that, OK, he'll sleep in the barn. The others go back to bed, but soon are awakened by another knock. It's the chemist who says, "There's a pig in that barn. I'm Jewish, and cannot sleep next to an unclean animal." So the economist is sent to the barn. It's getting late, the others are very tired and soon fall asleep. But they're awakened by an even louder knocking. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: It's the cow and the pig!
Three economists and three mathematicians were going for a trip by train. Before the journey, the mathematicians bought 3 tickets but economists only bought one. The mathematicians were glad their stupid colleagues were going to pay a fine. However, when the conductor was approaching their compartment, all three economists went to the nearest toilet. The conductor, noticing that somebody was in the toilet, knocked on the door. In reply he saw a hand with one ticket. He checked it and the economists saved 2/3 of the ticket price.
The next day, the mathematicians decided to use the same strategy- they bought only one ticket, but economists did not buy tickets at all! When the mathematicians saw the conductor, they hid in the toilet, and when they heard knocking they handed in the ticket. They did not get it back.
Why? The economists took it and went to the other toilet.
A party of economists was climbing in the Alps . After several hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun.
Finally he said, ' OK see that big mountain over there?'
'Yes', answered the others eagerly.
'Well, according to the map, we're standing on top of it.'
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Did you hear of the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck?
He forgot to seasonally adjust his pool.
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If all the economists were laid end to end they would be an orgy, of mathematics.
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A wealthy labor economist had an urge to have grandchildren. He had two daughters and two sons and none of them had gratified his desire for a grandchild. At the annual family gathering on Thanksgiving Day, he chided them gently to bless his old age with their progeny. "But I haven't given up hope," he said, "Yesterday I went to the bank and set up a one hundred thousand dollar trust fund to be given to the first grandchild that I have. Now we will all bow our heads while I say a prayer of thanks." When he looked up, he and his wife were the only ones at the table.
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NATURAL RATE OF UNEMPLOYMENT
Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
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Q Why did the market economist cross the road?
A To reach the consensus forecast.
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Q: What does an economist use when calculating constant-dollar estimates?
A: Deflator mouse
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these were created by Pat Marren 2/14/96
Subject: TOP TEN ECONOMIST VALENTINES
10. YOU RAISE MY INTEREST RATE THIRTY BASIS POINTS WITHOUT A CORRESPONDING DROPOFF IN CONSUMER ENTHUSIASM
9. DESPITE A DECADE OF INFLATION, I STILL DIG YOUR SUPPLY CURVE
8. WHAT DO YOU SAY WE REMEASURE OUR CROSS-ELASTICITY
7. YOU BRING THE BUTTER, I'LL BRING THE GUN
6. LET'S RAISE HOUSING STARTS TOGETHER
5. FURTHER STIMULUS COULD RESULT IN UNCONTROLLED EXPANSION
4. TELL ME WHETHER MY EXPECTATIONS ARE RATIONAL
3. LET'S ASSUME A RITZY HOTEL ROOM AND A BOTTLE OF DOM
2. YOU STOKE THE ANIMAL SPIRITS OF MY MARKET
1. A LOAF OF BREAD, A JUG OF WINE, AND THOU BESIDE ME WATCHING RUKEYSER
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When Albert Einstein died, he met three New Zealanders in the queue outside the Pearly Gates. To pass the time, he asked what were their IQs. The first replied 190. "Wonderful," exclaimed Einstein. "We can discuss the contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to atomic physics and my theory of general relativity". The second answered 150. "Good," said Einstein. "I look forward to discussing the role of New Zealand's nuclear-free legislation in the quest for world peace". The third New Zealander mumbled 50. Einstein paused, and then asked, "So what is your forecast for the budget deficit next year?" (Adapted from Economist June 13th 1992, p. 71).
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Two men are flying in a captive balloon. The wind is ugly and they come away from their course and they have no idea where they are. So they go down to 20 m above ground and ask a passing wanderer. "Could you tell us where we are?"
"You are in a balloon."
So the one pilot to the other:
"The answer is perfectly right and absolutely useless. The man must be an economist"
"Then you must be businessmen", answers the man.
"That's right! How did you know?"
"You have such a good view from where you are and yet you don't know where you are!"
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Light bulb jokes are always in...
Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.
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Q: How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: Two. One to assume the existence of ladder and one to change the bulb.
A2: Two. One to assume the existence of latter and one to change the bulb.
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Q: How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on the wage rate.
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Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
A2: None. If it really needed changing, market forces would have caused it to happen.
A3: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
A4. None. "There is no need to change the light bulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place.
A5. None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter !!!
A5. None; they're all waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct the lighting disequilibrium.
The above light bulb jokes were mostly stolen from an article in _The_Wharton_Journal_, Feb. 21, 1994, by Selena Maranjian, who undoubtedly pilfered the humor from someone else. Selena also suggested (for you B-school types):
Q: How many Wharton MBAs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, if you hire me. I can actually change the light bulb by myself. As you can see from my resume, I've had extensive experience changing light bulbs in my previous positions. I've also been named to the Wharton Light Bulb list, and am presently a teaching assistant for Light Bulb Management 666. My only weakness is that I'm compulsive about changing light bulbs in my spare time.
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Q: How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about 5 years.
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Q: How many investors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - the market has already discounted the change.
The Economist
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Q:How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?
A:All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the AD (agg. demand) to the right,...
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Q: How many Trotskyists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Smash it!
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Q; How many central bank economists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one -- he holds the lightbulb and the whole earth revolves around him.
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Economists do it with models
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Q: How many marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None - the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution.
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How many environmental economists does it take to change a lightbulb? Eight - one to turn the lightbulb and seven to do the environmental impact study. ---
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It's not easy being an economist. How would you like to go through life pretending you knew what M1 was all about?
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An elderly economics professor is standing at the shallow end of the campus pool. A Coed is standing at the deep end taking pictures. She suddenly drops the camera into the pool. Then she motions for the professor to come to her. He goes and she asks him to retrieve the camera. He agrees and dives in and retrieve its.
Upon returning he says to her, "Why did you ask me to retrieve the camera when there were many younger and more athletic males closer to her?" She replied, "Professor you seem to forget that I'm in your Econ I class, and I don't know anyone who can go down deeper, stay down longer and come up drier than you."
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When drawing up the guest list for a dinner party, inviting more than 25% economists ruins the conversation.
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Economics is the painful elaboration of the obvious.
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Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven, plus/minus ten.
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Q:How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Irrelevant - the light bulb's preferences are to be taken as given.
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True story: The scene is a conference of professors of marketing. The keynote speaker is an eminent economist. The chairman, who sees himself as a bit of a wag, says,
"I would like to introduce my eminent colleague and friend. He's an economist, one of those people who turn random numbers into mathematical laws."
The economist, not to be outdone, replies,
"My friend, here, is a marketer. They reverse the process."
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A Swedish contribution:
"Economics is like red whine - you shouldn't smell it but drink it, but if you drink too much on one occasion, there is a risk for dizziness"
("Nationalekonomi ar som rodvin - man ska inte lukta pa det utan dricka det, men dricker man for mycket pa en gang finns det risk for yrsel"
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One day a man walked into the main library of a major research university. He stopped at the reference desk and asked the librarian if she had any current books about economics and the economy.
She answered that she did, and led the man to the reference shelves where the economics and economy books were.
To the surprise of both the librarian and the man all of the books were off the shelf being used.
``That's OK,'' the man said. ``I'll just go to another library. You see, I'm a very busy man, and I set this weekend aside for studying economics and the economy.''
The librarian said she understood and gave the man directions to the nearest research library. But her interest piqued, she asked: ``Why are you so urgent to study economics and the economy?''
The man replied: "I'm an economist. I've been teaching at this university for the past ten years. I'm attending a business meeting on Monday, and I figure the economy has changed in the past ten years."
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Economists do it with cross partials...
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Q. What's the difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer's?
A. The economist is the one with the calculator.
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One day a woman went for a walk in her neighborhood and came across a boy with some puppies. "Would you like a puppy? They aren't ready for new homes quite yet, but they will be in a few weeks!"
"Oh, they're adorable," the lady said. "What kind of dogs are they?"
"These are economists."
"OK. I'll tell my husband."
So she went home and told her husband. He was very interested to see the puppies. About a week later he came across the lad; the puppies were very active.
"Hey, Mister. Want a puppy?"
"I think my wife spoke with you last week. What kind of dogs are these?"
"Oh. These are decision analysts."
"I thought you said last week that they were economists."
"Yeah, but they've opened their eyes since then."
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An economist is someone who doesn't know what he's talking about - and make you feel it's your fault.
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The definition of "waste": a busload of economists plunging over a precipice with three of the seats unoccupied.
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True stories
I was riding my bike down a hill in my city one night and two policemen stopped me at their speed trap. They asked me how fast I was going - 63 km - and congratulated me on the accuracy of my speedo. They then asked me why I was not driving a car and as I was a woman, wasn't it dangerous to be be out at night on a bike. I said I did not drive a car. They then asked me my occupation - I said "an economist". One of the policemen said "That's why she's riding a bike - she's economising"
I know that economics is ruling my life when
- I tried to calculate my 3 year old son's discount rate by seeing how many sweets he would require to be promised to him after dinner to be equivalent to one sweet before dinner
- I spent one hour in a toy shop making up over 20 bundles of toys that could be purchased for $25 and then asked my son to select one of these bundles
Brita P
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Bill and Boris are taking a break from a long summit, Boris says to Bill, -Bill, you know, I have a big problem I don't know what to do about. I have a hundred bodyguards and one of them is a traitor. I don't know which one. -Not a big deal Boris, I'm stuck with a hundred economists I have to listen to all the time before any policy decision, and only one tells the truth but it's never the same one.
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Two government economists were returning home from a field meeting. As with all government travelers, they were assigned the cheapest seats on the plane so they each were occupying the center seat on opposite sides of the aisle. They continued their discussion of the knotty problem that had been the subject of their meeting through takeoff and meal service until finally one of the passengers in an aisle seat offered to trade places so they could talk and he could sleep. After switching seats, one economist remarked to the other that it was the first time an economic discussion ever kept anyone awake.
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Robert J. BARRO in his 1989 paper in the Journal of Economic Perspectives:
"A colleague of mine argues that a 'normative' model should be defined as a model that fits the data badly."
Found in a paper of Anatol RAPOPORT (Scientific American, July 1967) who tells the following joke which he found in 'The Complete Strategist' by J. D. Williams:
"Two policemen are considering the problem of catching the bandit. One of them starts to calculate the optimal mixed strategy for the chase. The other policeman protests.
'While we're doodling,' he points out, 'he is making his getaway.'
'Relax,' says the game-theorist policeman. 'He's got to figure it out too, don't he?'"
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During the waning days of communism in the Soviet Union, an inspector was encharged with visiting local poultry farmers and inquiring about the amount of feed they were giving their chickens. Central planning was still in effect and each farmer was allocated 15 Roubles to spend on chicken feed.
One farmer very honestly answered that he spent five of the allocated 15 Roubles on chicken feed. The inspector took this to mean that the thieving farmer pocketed the other ten and promptly had him imprisoned.
Hearing of this through the rumour mill, the next farmer down the road insisted that he spent all 15 Roubles on food for the chickens. The inspector saw this as a case of budget-padding and the farmer as a wasteful opportunist. He too was imprisoned.
The third farmer heard of both episodes and was more prepared for the inspector's arrival.
"How many of the 15 Roubles do you actually spend on chicken feed," asked the inspector.
Like a true nascent capitalist, the farmer threw his hands in the air and answered, "hey! I give 15 Roubles to the chickens. They can eat whatever they want!"
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Experienced economist and not so experienced economist are walking down the road. They get across shit lying on the asphalt.
Experienced economist: "If you eat it I'll give you $20,000!"
Not so experienced economist runs his optimization problem and figures out he's better off eating it so he does and collects money.
Continuing along the same road they almost step into yet another shit.
Not so experienced economist: "Now, if YOU eat this shit I'll give YOU $20,000."
After evaluating the proposal experienced economist eats shit getting the money.
They go on. Not so experienced economist starts thinking: "Listen, we both have the same amount of money we had before, but we both ate shit. I don't see us being better off."
Experienced economist: "Well, that's true, but you overlooked the fact that we've been just involved in $40,000 of trade."
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What's the difference between economists and businessmen: the first don't keep their feet on the ground; the latest use to keep their four feet in the ground
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An economist is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
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Following story is to demonstrate some possible implications of the above statement. Two stangers, a man and a woman, meet in a cafe, the man asks.
"My Dear, would you go to bed with me for a million dollars?"
"Well, yes, I guess I would."
"How about $100?"
"What kind of person do you think I am?"
"My Dear, we have already established that. We are merely haggling over the price!"
According to Ross Emmet, the story was told by George Bernard Shaw. The man and woman are Winston Churchill and Lady Astor and the incident allegedly did occur.
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Economists are people who are too smart for their own good and not smart enough for anyone else's.
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From Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary:
Tariff -- A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.
Economy -- Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.
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A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half a year to live. The doctor advises her to marry an economist and to live in South Dakota. The woman asks: will this cure my illness? Answer of the doctor: No, but the half year will seem pretty long.
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A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The boy said, "Look, I'm an economist. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
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Q:Why did God create economists ?
A:In order to make weather forecasters look good.
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Q: Why did the economist cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off.
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Q. What does an economist do?
A. A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.
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Two economists meet on the street. One inquires, "How's your wife?" The other responds, "Relative to what?"
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To an economist, real life is a special case.
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Allow me to tell one joke in Finnish... its difficult to translate without loosing the funny point...
K: Miten ekonomi ja ekonomisti eroavat toisistaan?
V: Samalla tavoin kuin alkoholi ja alkoholisti!
...and one joke in German as requested...
Zwei Geraden treffen sich in der Unendlichkeit. Sagt die eine: "Aus dem Weg, sonst leit' ich dich ab!" Antwortet die andere: "Aetsch! Ich bin eine e-Funktion."
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I asked an economist for her phone number....and she gave me an estimate.
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One more lightbulb joke:
Q: How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Eight. One to screw it in and seven to hold everything else constant.
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Conversation between two Dinosaurs:
Dinosaur #1: "How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
Dinosaur #2: "What is an economist?"
Dinosaur #1: "A flunkie mathematician who tries to predict the population of kangaroos in Australia. But that's not important and don't ask what a Kangaroo is."
Dinosaur #2: "I don't know, how many?"
Dinosaur #1: "10 economists and one grad student. One economist to make a model, one to run the regression, one to test the hypothesis, one to interpret the results, one to conclude how to screw it on, one grad student to screw it on, and five economists trying to fight off the dinosaurs trying to eat them.
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Economists have forecasted 9 out of the last 5 recessions.
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An econometrician and an astrologer are arguing about their subjects. The astrologer says, "Astrology is more scientific. My predictions come out right half the time. Yours can't even reach that proportion". The econometrician replies, "That's because of external shocks. Stars don't have those".
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SOCIALISM: You have two cows. State takes one and give it to someone else.
COMMUNISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and gives you milk.
FASCISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and sell you milk.
NAZISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and shoot you.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. State takes both of them, kill one and spill the milk in system of sewage.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
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Alternative: A COWSMIC VIEW OF WORLD ORGANIZATION
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
SINGAPORE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed animals in an apartment.
MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors kill you and take the cows.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the Feng Shui is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership"is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk. Far out! Awesome!
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
JAPANESE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You give the milk to gangsters so they don't ask any awkward questions about who you're giving the milk to.
EUROPEAN FEDERALISM: You have two cows which cost too much money to care for because everybody is buying milk imported from some cheap east-European country and would never pay the fortune you'd have to ask for your cows' milk. So you apply for financial aid from the European Union to subsidise your cows and are granted enough subsidies. You then sell your milk at the former elevated price to some government-owned distributor which then dumps your milk onto the market at east-European prices to make Europe competitive. You spend the money you got as a subsidy on two new cows and then go on a demonstration to Brussels complaining that the European farm-policy is going drive you out of your job.
EASTERN EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You sell the milk (diluted with some water) at a high price to the neighbors or to anyone at the open-air market. If somebody asks for receipt, you charge for a two times higher price, so nobody will request an invoice. For concerned families with small babies you claim that the milk is "bio", though you collect the grass for feeding at the side of the highway and you keep the milk in plastic barrels used previously as containers of dangerous chemicals. Later, your neighbor or anybody from town will steal the cows and will buy their meat for a high price, and if you ask for a receipt, you will be charged for a two times higher price.
FINNISH SOCIALISM: You have two cows. Soon you have to kill one of them because in the Netherlands there is an overproduction of milk and the European Union rules say so. When you do so, you realize that it was not necessary, only the system was too slow in getting you the up-to-date news. From the stress, you get an ulcer in your stomach so you go to a doctor. The doctor realizes that this ulcer is a serious one, so you need an urgent treatment. Therefore, you soon get a call to the local hospital. The call's date is for 3 months later, because there is a queue with more urgent cases. Then your ulcer becomes even more serious because you remember that 40 percent of your income is taken for social tax.
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Q: What do you call a little girl in a brown dress who is running across a playground?
A: A brownian motion.
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David Gunn (Scotland): "Eighty percent of rules of thumb only apply 20 percent of the time"
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This one I attribute to Richard Thaler, now at the Univ of Chicago.
When an economist says the evidence is "mixed," he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.
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From Peter Kennedy's "A Guide to Econometrics" (MIT Press, 1992):
(P. 7) [Econometrics is...] the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion."
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True story: One day in microeconomics, the professor was writing up the typical "underlying assumptions" in preparation to explain a new model. I turned to my friend and asked, "What would Economics be without assumptions?" He thought for a moment, then replied, "Accounting."
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Q: Why has astrology been invented? A: So that economy could be an accurate science.
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